Twenty Things You’ll Only Understand If You Study Creative Writing and Journalism

’20 things you’ll only understand if you study english with creative writing and journalism’ was published in The Student Advertiser, April 2015

“Aw, that’s the course where you just write book reviews, isn’t it?”

OH, HO, HO – indeed not, ex-friend. You see, contrary to popular belief, English, journalism and creative writing are actually real subjects.

  1. There is a chance – and if not a fairly good chance then a definite likeliness – that although our degree states that we study ‘English’… WE DO NOT NECESSARILY WANT TO BE ENGLISH TEACHERS
  2. FACT: tea is genuine good ideas in a mug
  3. Alphabetical bookshelves are what distinguish life-long friends from flatmates
  4. Who needs drugs when you have “new-book smell” to get high off of?
  5. “Find evidence from the text to support your answer” applies to all areas of your life- most successfully during arguments with lovers over the sudden reduction of Emojis from the day previously
  6. ‘Short hand’ has nothing to do with your glove size
  7. “So, wait… they asked you out, and they didn’t quote the last two lines of Shakespeare’s ‘Sonnet 103’? Lol. That’s cute.”
  8. You wr-… You wro-… In PEN. You wrote on your book in pen? *faints*
  9. “Does your book need charged? Now, now, Mr Kindle, you’re not listening. And there’s no need to shout… Do you need to charge a paperback before you read it? No? Well, then sit down.”
  10. Each year, one will endeavour to escape the four obligatory poetry “group tattoos” they up signed for under the influence of new-term optimism
  11. In addition, by graduation, one will have evolved to hate that handpicked Keats quote so much that they would not have it engraved into their toilet, never mind scrolled across their ribs
  12. That Paperchase stationery will 100% improve your note-taking skills, guaranteed
  13. It doesn’t matter how well you executed the plot of Draco and Harry’s inevitable first-kiss in the Forbidden Forrest, if your tutor isn’t a fan of “Drarry” fan fiction, your mark will suffer
  14. Fancy bookmarks in no way enhance your ability to locate your page, but we sure as hell like to think they do
  15. Creative Writing assignments will always be considered seriously: “Well, excuse me for skipping, but there’s a pretty good chance you’re looking at the next Nobel Prize for literature, classmates.”
  16. You may have read a grand total of three since first year, but boy- don’t those 144 class texts look fabulous on your bookshelves?
  17. Spending your loan in on books and stationery and relying on the Aldi’s Own range to fuel your reading power for 30 days.
  18. Why did people ever stop using typewriters?!
  19. Look around you. Do you see all of those lovely new friends you’ve made since starting class? Well, that’s your competition for the window spot in Waterstones at the end of all this. Happy socialising!
  20. We’d like to issue our personal thanks to the creator of Spark Notes for delivering such fine summaries of books we have not read.114110

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